Thursday, March 29, 2012

Bad Days and Failures

Today was a poor day of swordsmanship, and a worse day in regards to sportsmanship.

When fencing today, I grew frustrated and lost control of myself.  I lashed out with a cut that was supposed to knock my opponent's sword away, and succeeded admirably in the attack.  Either in keeping with my pace, or because I had been disrespectful and a jerk, my opponent rushed at me, and before I knew it, we were wrist deep in wrestling, that could have turned very ugly.  I was ready back him into a corner and proceed to mash him, and had he wrenched a little harder, he probably would have broken my fingers on my right hand.  It happened so fast.  It was the first time I felt like I'd truly lost my cool in the midst of a match.

I was ashamed; I am sill ashamed as I write this.

Once at an SCA event either last year or the year before, I showed up and Devon vouched for me.  He told the marshals and the dons that I was a good guy, a good fighter, and I was safe.  At the end of the event, he came up to me and told me that I had acquitted myself well.  That I had represented him and the Academie admirably.  I just about cried what my friend Eric (and anyone reasonable) would call "manly tears".

I was the opposite of that tonight.

As a swordsman and a future teacher, mine is to live the chivalric ideal.  What do I do when I stray from it?  What does Devon do when his students stray from it?  How big of a failure is this?  Big enough that I felt it was time to get out of my combat gear, and cool my temper.  Big enough that it left me shaking on the sides.

But falling isn't failing.  Not getting back up is.

Back at it again tomorrow.

1 comment:

  1. You yourself grabbed an awesome quote from that Chivalry Today guy: "And if we fail, we can always try again tomorrow."